A Typical Day In The Life of Vladimir Todd
by H. K. Rissing
Summary: a fic I wrote a bit ago about my take on the title, kind of a spoof of the books. It's sort of funny.


Vlad rolled over and grunted. IT was three in the morning, and he REFUSED to let himself fall asleep, lest the HORRIFYING dreams of the EVIL Diablo return and PLAGUE him some more. He decided he had to go the belfry. He knew he would regret that decision come geometry class, but he had to be somewhere to THINK.

After skulking through every bush, shadow, and alleyway that he could possibly deem on the route to the school that he hated so much so he could get to the hangout he so brilliantly based on public property where any janitor could bust open the door and discover it. He levitated himself through the air, and the cold wind slapped at his puffy, red eyes and pale, sallow face.

He flopped onto his dad's chair and clutched the journal. As he looked out into the night sky, he could remember when his parents would dance in their room at night, and though he had never been actually supposed to see them and they'd never invited him to watch them dance like the wannabe Cullen lovebirds that they are, he felt so lonely he could CRY. He gave in to the urge and let the tears streak unrestrained down his face.

A choked animal cry tore through his lips as he cried some more. His life was ONE MOMENTOUS TRAIN WRECK. His parents were dead, Di' Ablo was HANDLESS and out for blood, and he had DITCHED Meredith. (just the though of gorgeous, pink, perky Meredith liking him and him dumping her made him sob even harder. Meredith was so perfect. She wore pink every day, and though Vlad would strike you as more of a serious girls type, he liked her fun, flirty style. She LOVED pink and was a good kisser and wore pink every day, and was a little loose because she TOTALLY jumped in the closet with him, and that was pretty much all he knew about her, but she was still the most beautiful, wonderful, perfect, amazing creature he could ever imagine.)

He had stopped bawling and now gulped for air. But then he remembered that he hadn't heard from either Otis OR Vikas in, like, FOREVER, and tears streamed AFRESH down both sides of his face. He was the Pravus and was going to ENSLAVE the human race. Henry no longer liked him, and Joss wanted to kill him, and since it was SUCH first for him NOT to be Little Mister Popular, he felt bad for not sharing any of his Twinkies with them.

And THEN there was the matter of that girl he was TOTALLY abusing, Snow. she didn't want to let Vlad feed on her anymore, but he was becoming dependent on her. He was addicted. The memory of Snow's pale, swan-like neck made Vlad's fangs pop out and puncture his lips and he rocked with sorrow and another layer of pain, both physical and mental as he remembered the last time he had seen Snow and her pale neck, when she had been giving him a pimp hat.

He cried as he drugs himself home, because he sensed that Nelly was up. She tried to talk to him, but he SCREAMED, "Leave me ALONE, you fat, ignorant, sluggy excuse for a woman! The only people who EVER understood me were Otis and Meredith and Mommy and Daddy and Henry and Joss for a bit, and well- Everyone BUT you! I am so alone in the universe, and if only my mom and dad were here, then I could be happy, but they're NOT, so I CAN'T! WAH WAH WAHHHH!" he whirled off to his room, swishing the black cape he had taken to wearing as he stalked up the steps blindly, BLUBBERING once more.

That cat that they always say is there but that they mention one in ten times they are at Vlad's house saw him and ran away. Vlad SLAMMED the door shut and FLUNG himself onto his bed, screaming and sobbing because it WASN'T FAIR! He snotted ALL over the bed and when he was FINALLY able to control himself at five thirty, he remembered that he would have to see Meredith and look into her big, squirrelly eyes, and know that HE had HURT her, and the wails started ALL over again.

**This fic was just for a laugh, because it seemed to me when I read the first three books that Vlad did a lot of crying and feeling misunderstood. I haven't read the newest one(s) so if I have violated canon on any fronts, I haven't done so intentionally. Let me know what you think! **


End file.
